So I never forget.

I type how I feel when I get angry because I have to let it out and I have no one to talk to. Excuse me!!! I don’t fucking love you??? I fucking adore you. With all our problems I love you. When I compared you to sarah it was a child comparing forbidden lust to confused love. I didn’t love her. If I did I would feel differently when she messages me. You’re the girl who made me realize I was worth something. The Idea that someone so beautiful wanted me was absurd. And then you loved me back? I couldn’t believe it. I still don’t believe it when I look at you. I could never have sex with you and still love you every bit I do now. Because you are enough. The way you look at me the way holding your hand sends a shock through my body. Even just hearing your voice is enough to make me whole day amazing. If the way I feel for you isn’t love then I don’t know what love it. I wrote about me love for you. I do it in a leather bound notebook I keep in my purse. I have a book half full of love letters that I was going to give to you for out last anniversary, before you left. I save those thoughts for us. When I go to type about you there aren’t enough words in my vocabulary to express the fire in my heart. I honestly can’t explain hoe you make me feel. People ask and all I can do is smile and say you make me complete you’re my world my universe. How does someone come into my love and make me want a life? I didn’t want to get married. I didn’t want children. I didn’t want commitment.. None of that shit. I didn’t want it and I meant it when I told you that. But now? Now I want to spend hundreds of dollars just to see you for a few days. I want to put a ring on your finger so everyone knows you’re mine. I want to have a child and tell them how amazing there mommy is. How she’s so brave and that I’m so so proud of her. Don’t ever question how I feel about you because I don’t post it on her internet.

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~ by lizzardspit on February 9, 2013.

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