I’ve found myself thinking about you a lot lately.

I’m not sure if it’s you I miss though. I look back and I see now the hints that should have told me what was going on. I see what I did wrong, how you acted, I can even see when you fell out of love with me now. No it’s not you I miss. I miss the intimacy. I miss the love. I miss all of those little things I can’t give myself. Those things that are so very hard to get. I sit any think to myself if I can even do that again. Can I trust someone like that? Can I expect anyone to trust me? Can I even trust myself? I don’t know the answer to these questions. That bothers me. I’m so far over you I’m flying, yet here I am at 5am. Can’t sleep. And all I can do is wonder if I’d still have that love, that intimacy, that I so crave had I made different choices. Had I been better. If I wasn’t such a shit human being. I just don’t know. Do I even want that again? That’s a silly question. Of course I do. I don’t know. It’s so hard to tell how I really feel lately. I miss having that person to talk to who understood me. That I do miss about you. I miss my friend. Oh well. I’ll live.

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~ by lizzardspit on May 17, 2012.

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