Fucking shit.

I can’t do it! I can’t even watch god damn Skins without breaking down. It’s not even the intimate couple shit. It’s the things like hugs that the characters really need, the ones that actually mean something. Simple shit like that. The abandonment of the character. It all strikes me and I can feel all the emotion and how that feels just hit me and I reach for my phone because I need to talk to you but you’re not there are you. Not for me, not like I need. And I have no one. No one else I can talk to. And what if I did text you. Would you even care? Would you even respond? Does it even matter now.. All this talking we’re doing it’s not going to fix it. God what we needed really was just some time to ourselves to sort it wasn’t it. I was so willing to do that but you had to jump on her bandwagon the second I was gone didn’t you.
Fuck you can’t even say you love her but you’re going to marry her?? I don’t believe that.
Want to know what I think? I think you’re using her, you’ve been using her, just to make yourself better. But it’s not going to work. Want to know how I know? Because I’ve been there, I’ve done that. It doesn’t fucking work. You just feel worse and worse until you can’t take it. Or maybe in your case you just get more numb. I’ve done that one too. The emotionless bitch. It’s comes back to bite you in the ass I promise.
Fuck.
Fuck
FUCK!
This is supposed to get easier for me! I should HATE you! But I still fucking love you and it hurts and I can’t fucking stop it! and it just gets harder and harder!
And now I’m sitting here at five in the fucking morning crying because I love you and I fucked it all up and you’ll never believe me or forgive me and it can never work!!
Fuck.
Fuck I look fucking pathetic right now.
There you are new girl in hand and I’m here being a fucking pathetic waist of space.
Fuck.
I sometimes wish you read these. Maybe you’d understand. I doubt it but just maybe…
Fuck.

~ by lizzardspit on March 4, 2012.

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