you’re going to see it anyway so why don’t I just write it.

nothing feels worse than seeing your friend happy and realizing that you hate it. How am I jealous of my friend being happy with someone!! How fucked up is that shit! Is it just being of who you are? Is it because of how I feel about you? Do I even feel that way? Is it all just left over from what we had? Is it real? I want it to be real. Or am I just holding on to it because I know you’ll give me the attention I crave. Because I can’t stand to be alone? I don’t know. Is this all because of her? Because I can’t stand to be replaced? Because I tried so hard, did everything I could, forgave every indiscretion, to be replaced? But I do feel differently about you than I did for her. Shit. Idk. This is stupid. I’m being stupid. Everything is so fucked up.

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~ by lizzardspit on February 22, 2012.

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